DAY 15: Juicy Red Pimples

      

  As the number of days until "I do" is rapidly dwindling, I am beginning to feel an explosion of mixed emotions, although I would not go so far as to define this as “STRESS!!!” just yet. Thankfully, the impending stress that is expected to come when planning a wedding has not taken over quite yet. But what do I do if, or when, it hits?

I don't know about you, but when I do get stressed, my face turns into a large pepperoni pizza; which, of course, makes me more stressed!  I have not been accustomed to the healthiest ways of relieving stress in the past, so I am taking the initiative and preparing to deal with it in a healthier manner in the future. Here are some verses that I found to comfort me as “the day”, and the anticipated increase in my stress level along with it, draws near.

"My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." (Exodus 33:14)

"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." (Deuteronomy 31:8)

"The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble." (Psalm 9:9-10)

"I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken." (Psalm 16:8)

"For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God. (1 John 5:4-5)"

"Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you. Discipline yourselves, keep alert. Like a roaring lion your adversary the devil prowls around, looking for someone to devour. Resist him, steadfast in your faith. And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, support, strengthen, and establish you." (1 Peter 5:7-9a,10)

DAY 17: LETS MAKE IT LEGAL!

           With the sanctity of marriage being routinely marginalized in our current societal state, there is more pressure on young Christians to remain faithful to our marriage vows and "make it work".  I have no doubt that it will take some work after a while, but I know we have every intention of not following the cultural status quo, and becoming just another number in a (cynical) statistical survey created to find the average number of Christians who end up divorced in America.
         I am so thankful that we both have our parent's marriages to use as examples. Hopefully, despite all the pressures and temptations we may confront, we will make it through and bend the “curve” of the statistical average in a positive direction.

DAY 18: THE LITTLE DETAILS

        The most important thing about that day is us. It is easy to get consumed with all the details, whether small or large, and to forget why we are getting married in the first place. When you start getting into the heavy planning and you don't even hang out anymore because you are "to busy" with your wedding.....you are in trouble.
      It is so hard to make time for everything, but it has to be done. The most important thing is keeping our relationship healthy......we are about to be married! The first couple months of being engaged, were really hard for me to balance. In the midst of all the details it is hard to stay focused on each other and the reason we are planning a wedding in the first place.
    It seems silly, we are planning our wedding, and we are neglecting "us". We neglect a lot of things when we're busy though. We plan our lives day by day without consulting or spending the right amount of time with God, we are neglecting Him. We become slightly selfish and self-absorbed; or wedding-absorbed, and our relationships are affected. Keeping a healthy balance brings a challenge, but I am finding it also brings stronger more dedicated and faithful relationships.

DAY 19: LIFE LESSONS

       Patience. Throughout this whole experience, probably one of the most frustrating, yet valuable character traits that God has chosen to teach me is patience. From beginning to end, I have learned how to deal with people and myself a little better. From having to toughen up and be a little more confrontational, to just letting things happen and hope that it all comes together. From not panicking from not receiving responses to accepting playing it by ear. From colors to centerpieces and all that is in between...I have learned the value of patience in dealing with other people and myself. Hopefully, it will be remembered in the future because I sure patience is one of the key factors I will need to remember a few years down the road when I am married for a while.

DAY 22: THE COLOR GOLD

     

The artist widely known for his use of gold, but probably more famous for cutting his own ear off, was, of course, Vincent Van Gogh.  Van Gogh wisely proposed this question: "What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?”   Pondering this makes me wonder, do I have the courage to attempt anything?  Am I willing to "step out of the box"?   I enjoy a challenge as much as the next guy, but how well do I really handle being moved beyond my comfort zone?

In order to find out what my purpose is, or more precisely, what our purpose will be after June 11, I have to be willing to at least consider attempting what may seem only remotely possible, to pursue the inconceivable.  No matter how unreachable the destination may seem, it is well to remember it is often the journey itself that makes achieving your dreams worthwhile.

Though I probably (hopefully) will never attempt removing my own ear (or any other part of my body) like Vincent Van Gogh, I pray that God will allow me and my future husband to have the courage, nay, to have the audacity, to pursue our dreams.

DAY 23: MY DILEMMA

      Since I graduated from college I have been on a constant, determined search for the purpose of my life. What am I supposed to be doing? Where am I supposed to do it?
    I don't want to wish everyday away because there is no happiness in what I am doing. I don't want to dread everyday because my work is miserable.
    Little did I know I would still be on this search years later. Here is the real question for me: Am I supposed to find contentment in what I am doing, even though I hate it, or am I supposed to keep searching hoping that God will show me where I am supposed to be eventually?
     Some people are fine and content doing whatever, but I don't think I will ever be that way. I will always be gazing out the window, looking at the world, wondering what I am really supposed to be doing. It just would not sit right with me, and I would never feel happy. But is that wrong since I am supposed to be content?

DAY 24:IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE WE LIVE AS LONG AS WE'RE LIVING

       Homelessness is defined as the state of having no home or haven, no refuge. Though I like to roam, and discover new places, I have even thought about being a vagabond going from one place to the next just exploring the world; I never want to be without a home.
       I count myself blessed to say that I have had a wonderful home my whole life, I will have a wonderful home with my future husband for the rest of my life, and I am going to have a wonderful home in heaven. I don't have to define my home as a shelter in the literal sense, I have been allowed to have a home in my family, I have a home in my intended, and I have a home in God.
     Homelessness is not a fear for me. It doesn't matter where we live, as long as we are living.










     

DAY 25: WE'RE ONLY YOUNG

    Age is relative. Even when we are, what some people would say, to be ancient, if you are young at heart, than you are surely......young still. You can live and act and be young. Why live life as if it is over? Why not live life and be amazed at the curious things it brings, like a child is.
    On the other hand, why not take the time that you have on earth seriously, and accomplish important things while you are here. Have a meaningful existence.
    I did not feel like doing my devotional last night......so I didn't. But, with that mindset, I am preventing myself from living. I am missing out on living life to the fullest and being amazed at what God is doing. I am hindering myself from being young at heart. All the wonder around me will become ordinary.
   I think we can all agree that EVERYONE has those days and EVERYONE gives into those little voices in the back of our heads reminding us of how tired we are.
  When we have those days, we have to remember how we want our lives to be lived and remembered.

DAY 26: NO FEAR OF HEIGHTS

    After a four, almost five, hour drive, we finally arrived at the Brooklyn Tabernacle yesterday in time to hear one of my mom's favorites, Alistair Begg. Surrounded by such diverse cultures and ethnicities, we still felt welcome and wanted.
   It was one of the most exciting services I had ever been to, yet it was so educational and thought provoking. The ceiling of a theatre filled with so much history, felt like it was going to collapse because of the volume of hundreds of people singing and praising with every breath that they have.
   Watching this made me excited again, and ready to take on the world.

DAY 27: BRIDE AND PREJUDICE

     Being a bride can mean so many different things to a woman. It brings a whirlwind of mixed emotions to the table, the most prominent of all, of course, excitement. I'm finding that sometimes its hard to discover who you are and who God wants you to be in the midst of all the crazy feelings. You forget who you are when you are defined by your engagement and status as a soon-to-be-married couple.
     After several years (mostly through college) of trying to figure out "who I am" and "who God wants me to be", and disifering between the convictions and preferrences of the people around me and my own, preparing to become one with another brings it all back to life. Who are we as a couple? Who are we going to be as a married couple?
     We obviously have different opinions and perspectives, but how do we find a balance? Our own "flow", so to speak. When we both think we are right, and have our own, stubborn, reasons for thinking that, our biases begin to draw a line in between us. Our prejudices become more important than God's truths. That's when I forget the whole reason for getting married and become bridezilla. A.K.- Selfish.
     I guess the whole point is discovering these things together. We will now be a duo.

Day 28: THE ADVENTURES OF B&K (NO, NOT BURGER KING)

Some times, well actually, a lot of times, when I thought about marriage, I thought about it as the end of a fun, carefree life. The end of adventure, and freedom, and independence. The end of life as I knew it.  Isn't marriage often perceived as the end of all things extraordinary and the beginning of all things....well.......boring?

 But now that I am on the threshold of taking this life-altering step, I am beginning to reconsider my preconceived notions.  While it may be the end of life as I know it, I am increasingly confident that it is also the beginning of a better one because, now, instead of doing everything I have dreamed of doing, alone....I get to do it with my best friend!

Henry David Thoreau said, "Pursue some path, however narrow and crooked, in which you can walk with love and reverence."  Since we both have lived our lives with a flair for the spontaneous, our “common” path is virtually guaranteed to be crooked, or to go up mountains, or through rivers, and whatever other obstacles that may be thrown in for good measure; definitely not the path of least resistance. But I know it will be an exciting life, spent with the only person I would want to spend it with.

I confess I am nervous about getting married when I think about all its pros and cons.  Becoming completely vulnerable to another human being is not something I am entirely comfortable with, at least not at this point in time.  But I am already completely vulnerable to Someone else. He doesn't love me less or condemn me because of my imperfections, and I never have to fear that He will. He only wants to help me with them, to improve the kind of person I am.
Ultimately, He wants to make me a better person.

That's how I believe marriage should be too, and how I hope my marriage will be.  Always challenging and pushing each other; making each other better people. And with all of our future adventures, may we "walk in love and reverence" for each other, no matter how narrow or crooked the path may be.

Day 30: Is there a bun in the oven?

      "Why wait?" Thats the answer we had when people asked us the date we set for our wedding. Four months did not seem like a long engagement to a lot of people, but we didn't want to wait any longer to start our lives.....nothing was holding us back.

       One of my favorite books is the Count of Monte Cristo. Many of you know the story or have seen the movie. In the book, Edmond Dantes, spends years in prison desperately preparing a way of escape to meet his intended again and marry her as they had planned before his arrest. The good news we realized is.......We don't have to wait like Dantes!

    I don't think God intended for us to continue our lives separately after we knew He wanted us to be together.

     Nor does He want us to live separately from Him........Its hard to imagine, but we are supposed to be more dedicated to God than our husbands. Could you imagine what that kind of relationship he might hold for us if we tried to do that? I am learning that slowly.... not to live separately from him; but it is a progression, a journey.

Day 31:

Tomorrow will begin the day that I start a new challenge for my life. With my 30 day countdown I will try to become, not only a woman in love with her fiance, but a woman in love with God; excited about what He has next for me. The most challeging things I have learned while being engaged for three months are as follows:

1. How do I even have a "relationship" with God when I am so busy?
2. If I take the time to have a relationship with Him I will either A.)never shower 3.never sleep or D. Forget to put on at least one significant article of clothing in the morning due to a lack of sleep.
3. How can God make one of the most important times in my life so hard to balance?
4. Why am I making wedding plans during church? That really helps my closeness to Him

I am sure there are a lot more questions that have gone through my head and that I will probably forget about say hmmm 31 days from now. But this will be the documentation of that journey.......